and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
