You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
