Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
