I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
