I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
