i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do herpes really smell.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
