There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize