i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
