I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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