no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
