I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
