i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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