Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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