Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
