I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
