1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
