I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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