haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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