I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
