dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
