Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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