They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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