Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
