I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
