You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize