I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I want is dick and wine.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
