In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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