I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
false alarm, still single
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
