I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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