Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize