if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cockslap morals
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
