I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize