Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
