Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
jump out the window naked night went bad
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