Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nicole vs. Life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
