I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His nipple licking is glorious
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
