i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize