playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
