Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about my life...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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