I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
40s are totally the cure
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
