Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
