did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
