I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
