Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
