are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
