I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
