i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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