That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
