Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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