so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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