so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
