I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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