i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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