What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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