I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
