And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
