I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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