Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
