I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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