i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
