don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
