I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
