I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
