I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
