I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
