I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
