He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
