I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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