dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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