i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
