another moral hangover. fuck.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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