Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
