oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
