I'm jealous of your bromance
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
